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- Yeah. How did you know? - Your schedule's online.
and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Oh. Yep.
PRIEST: Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace,
Ass?
- Baby! - Baby, what?
JON: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Am I a bad mother, is that what I'm hearing?
Don't you wanna wait till after class?
- I'm sort of seeing this girl. - [COUGHS]
Any guy tells you he doesn't is lying to you.
JON: I know, some guys love eating pussy, but the thing about those guys is,
[ENGINE REVVING]
...my family...
You said you watched porn.
I've been in love with this girl since the first time I saw her.
- This fucking guy. Come on! - What did you think he was gonna say?
It seemed like you were in a big hurry the other day.
- Please. - Let me get by you there, babe.
I said right then, right when I saw her, I said...
Yeah, I got shit to do. So...
because you don't gotta do anything for them, right?
- Easy, easy. Did you get her name? - Yeah!
Father, I don't know what happened, but...
- She's crazy, she's a princess. - Goddamn!
- That is a dime. - Nah, she's hot, but it's not a dime.
...missionary fucking.
I'm telling you guys something. You be a man, you do the right thing,
When Instagram normies double tap a Reddit post
- Diet Coke, please. - A Coke.
I don't wanna get caught out and now some guy's coming at me with a bat or some shit.
...and my porn.
- You shitting me? That's a seven. - You're out of your fucking mind!
Mmm...
- What? - I can touch it.
...as we forgive those... who trespass against us...
What are you saying? That has nothing to do with anything!
Cum Cum
OK.
- Good job, big guy. - Sweetie, so nice to meet you.
[CAR RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
- I don't know... - You got nothing to be nervous about.
Tits?
- Wait, wait. My what? - It's in your history.
It is pretty boring, don't you think?
Other than that, I did have sex out of wedlock one time,
- She's the best. - So you titty-fuck her?
that's why I didn't smash. What about you? You were kicking it to pony-tail, right?
- You don't have a drill, do you? - No.
[WOMEN MOANING]
My body...
I told her every fucking guy watches porn, she didn't believe me.
...going to be doing... any cleaning.
No, I don't.
JON: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
- It's great. - Yeah? You're on break?
I'm sorry. Jesus. Look, stop it.
DADD TO FUCK YOU So Fucking Hard
Oh, yeah. Sorry. Say no more.
- No! - So, what happened?
- Oh, my... damn! - What? What? Where?
- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys. - Really? Same thing, no difference?
- Jesus! - Thank you.
Oh, my God!
Lower. Not that low!
So...
none of 'em are gonna fuck me as good as my girl.
Shit!
The girl wearing a tank top and her shorts
None of 'em are gonna look as good as my girl,
- No, I definitely did not tell you my name. - Yeah, you did.
- I love movies like that. - Yeah, it was great.
You don't think I could make you happy if I wanted to?
- Baby, I... - Please, no, don't call me that.
'Cause I... I really thought there was gonna be a difference this week.
- Oh, wow. - You wanna hold him?